Oh thank God I found you. I had the most horrible day today and I've been looking all over for an audience to whom I can pour forth my innumerable, unreasonable, illogical woes sans annoying interuptions.

It started out pretty much the same as usual; studying frantically for a bio test in the bus and deciding somewhere along the way to give up and pray that fate would kick in just this once and help me get a respectable score ( I hate fate). So far so good. But at around 10:00, after the bio test during which fate resolutely turned its back on me, we were told to go down to attend a lecture by the director of Amity Law School, Delhi. So we all traipsied down to the basement, which by the way smelled horribly of the stale remains of cabbage and month old gas, and stood looking expectantly at the entrance. We waited...and waited.....and..waited(during this time all three yoga teachers came in, fiddled aimlessly with the sound system, lights, their clothes and hair and left). Just when we started to suspect that the whole thing was an elaborate and remarkably idiotic plan to trick us into doing yoga, the director showed up. That was the beginning of the most uncomfortable hour of my life. It went something like this....

" Good afternoon boys and girls. Amity Law School in Delhi was founded in 1998. I also founded NLS in 1989....so as I said ALS was founded in 1998..."

Oh God...my legs are dead. Maybe if I just sat in a different way...

" So as I said...I founded NLS in 1989..."

OK, now they hurt, bad idea...maybe I could move back to my original position. Oh God, why is Shubha staring at me like that?? I am so hungry...my stomach is going to fall out.

" ...I founded NLS, and I am director of ALS..."

Great and now I have to pee.

" So any questions?"

Can I please visit the toilet , Sir?

Mercifully, the lecture ended at 11 whereapon I forcibly restrained myself from running to the lavatory. However, I went there only to find myself at the end of a mile long que consisting predominantly of squealing babies whose ground floor toilet had been roped off to ensure silence in the area around the conference room where a meeting was being held. So basically, 500 plus students were now expected to share 3 stalls, one of which wasn't functional, in the span of 10 minutes. It was ghastly. Puddles of water overflowing, screaming kids splashing in the puddles, the stench of human...ahem...and its derivatives permeating our very souls, unflushed toilets. Gaa!!

The rest of the day, to tell you the truth was bearably normal. So I'll leave you now to mull over the shocking inadequacies of our school and my brain.

Girly Men

Though unfair, it is one of the sad facts of life that girly men are objects of ridicule and shame whereas manly women are treated with courtesy..and in many cases, respect.

Beckam....rumoured to prance around his house in frilly pink lingerie, his apparently undecided sexual affiliation makes him the butt of rather mean jokes. I think it is very unfair that he should be made fun of for the reasons that he is. The man makes several millions of dollars a year. His athletic ability is legendary. To top it all, he has had four children...with a woman!! An even if he was bi, I don't think that that should be any reason to pay him less respect. Angelina Jolie is bi, and she has done worse things than run around in pink panties (though come to think of it, the thought of her doing something like that would probably be met with ecstatic approval). She has actually bottled her blood and gifted it to one of her ex-husbands. But everyone still respects and/or fantasises about her.

James Blunt...I like this guy. So his music sucks, so he has long blond hair, so his voice is high pitched and slightly off-key. So what? I think his girlish good looks work well for him.

Michael Jackson...Actually, in his case, I think the ridicule is justified...so forget him.

HK...Look, you can't help how you talk. Some people are just born with a nasal voice that sounds like the mating calls of varying avian species. HK has innumerable admirable qualities. He is smart, gets good grades, and can act very convincingly as a woman. I think his portrayal of Mrs Mani in his skit at Lit Fest was commendable. But most importantly, he is extremely tolerant. Where anyone else would blow up and start brawling, he takes alot of unnecessary crap from the class in good stead. I have alot of respect for HK.

Panique de chocolat

Où a tout le chocolat allé ? ? ? Je dois avoir quelque chocolat ! ...aah beaucoup de mieux. C'est la vie.

A Revised Divine Geaneology

I spent Friday night sitting in the temple of Doom discussing the relationships that the mother of all Asuras and her numerous proginy share. Confusing as it is, I think I may have just about worked it out.

Aditi: Mother of the Devas and Father of Asuras, she is the creator and destroyer, the male and female (seizures of laughter), she is her own antithesis.

Hema: The daughter of Aditi.

Tara: The soul sister of Hema, and therefore the step-daughter of Aditi.

Vasudha: Tara's alter ego. Tara and Vasudha complete each other's sentences and thoughts. So that makes Vasudha Hema's step-soul sister, and Aditi's daughter once removed.

Shruti: In a new development, it has been discovered that Shruti is Hema's twin sister. So she is Aditi's daughter, Tara's alter soul sister, and Vasudha's alter souls sister once removed.

Whew!

On Religion

I find the concept of heaven slightly confusing. See, heaven is pleasure of the senses. So, anything that tastes, feels, looks, hears, smells good symbolises heaven. However, the seven deadly sins contradict that very definition of heaven. Gluttony is supposed to be a sin, but food makes us happy. Lust is a deadly sin, but of course sex makes us happy too. Isn't heaven all about the ultimate happiness? Eternal euphoria? Atleast it should be. It's supposed to be the exact opposite of Hell...which holds pain and suffering. So at the very least, heaven should hold comfort. Food and sex are comforting.

Some religions claim that heaven is supposed to free us of all desire so we are at peace. But in the absence of desire, people fall victim to chronic laziness...which is another deadly sin; Sloth.

So untill someone can enlighten me with alternate solutions, the only thing I can conclude is that heaven either doesn't exist, which is the most probable explaination, or it simply follows earthly laws where the consequences of fornication and stuffing your face are no more serious than law suits and smelly gas.